Four days ago, I was sitting alone on a tiny stretch of beach in Guimaras as the waters receded, leaving starfish beached on the shore. Darkness seeped into the sky, shifting from cheerful blue to rusty orange to deep purple, as I reflected on solo travel and life in general.
Even if there were other people around, I felt isolated. Earlier that afternoon, a group of day trippers where singing along to the strumming of a guitar. They posed happily for jump shots at the pier and exchanged stories while I watched from afar. Several workers were busy hammering something in a room two doors down from my beachside fan-room and attending to various renovations at the resort. But still, I felt alone.
It’s my own fault, I guess. I could have struck up a conversation with that group who I had been on the same jeepney with from the Jordan port to poblacion Nueva Valencia or talked to the couple swimming in the huge swimming pool beside the mangrove-rimmed lake.
But I didn’t. I came here to find solitude and that’s what I got. I was left alone with just time and my thoughts, and for a while they weren’t exactly the best companions. As I explored on my own, the isolation shifted into a sense of independence.
I spent an afternoon clambering over rocky cliffs, crawling through a water-filled cave, befriending pigeons, and watching starfish breathe and inch their way forward in the shallow waters. It was refreshing to have no plans and to not have to care about what other people wanted to do.
I’ve been drifting along for the longest time, going wherever the wind takes me. At this point in my life, I still have no gameplan. While other people seem to have their lives mapped out and have anchored themselves safely in one spot, I feel like there’s still so much to explore in the world.
I realized that I’m doing exactly the same thing in my game of Skyrim. I have a long list of miscellaneous tasks full of requests to fetch flawless gems for random people or visit certain places so I can mark a sidequest completed.
I haven’t even bothered finding out what the main storyline of the game is and have no urge to finish it just to see how it ends. I think I just enjoy exploring random caves, collecting items, and leveling up certain skills like smithing and lockpicking whenever I feel like it.
Life is not a race and I’m not in a hurry to go anywhere. I guess for now, I’ll just continue to enjoy the scenery.